Welcome to Hell

How the hell did I end up here? Sitting on my livingroom floor with my POS, 4 year old Vaio laptop in front of me. The annoyingly distracting yet entirely necessary tv on in the background (one of those crappy Futurama movies). I suppose it was inevitable.

If you're reading this, you're probably a friend or relative, in which case- I'm sorry. I'm sorry for having to put up with my ass throughout the years and I'm sorry for anything I may say in this post or any future posts in this blog that may offend. I just shuddered as I wrote that sentence. Blog. I never thought I'd ever end up writing one of these. I mean- what's next? Twitter? God, I hope not. Though, I distinctly remember saying that “texting is stupid” and “Why don't you just call them?” Now I've got about 2000 outgoing texts a month.

I suppose I should explain what this is exactly. It's a blog. Plain and simple. I've been debating this for a long while. I need a place to vent- I mean, who doesn't? The reason I didn't is because I feared upsetting those who might care to read. What most of you don't know about me is that I am incredible cynical and kind of an ass hole (ok, REALLY an asshole) on the inside. I've gotten pretty good at keeping my thoughts to myself. Here, it all comes out.

This blog is largely inspired by a show called “Californication”- not to be confused with the Red Hot Chili Peppers album/song. It stars David Duchovny (Fox Mulder from X Files) as a sarcastic, drunken, promiscuous writer in LA. I dig it.

“But what will he talk about?” You might be saying to yourself. “He's got everything going for him- he's a WASP living in Florida with a good job right out of college.” True. But that doesn't mean I can't find something to bitch about. Being that most of you probably linked here from facebook (pretty much my only mass communication outlet), I thought I'd bitch about Facebook for a while.

Who here remembers Myspace? *raises hand* When it first started, it was alright. You could make a profile, search for people you knew, and look up people in a given area that you didn't. Then, people started customizing their profiles through imbedded codes, adding retarded quizzes, and making it a seizure inducing nightmare. That's when I bailed.

Shortly before the fall of Myspace, Facebook started up. It was nice- you needed a COLLEGE email address to open an account. It was meant to be a more “adult” myspace intended for COLLEGE students. It started out simple. Write on a wall, send a message, update your status. You could put up pictures too. Now...dear sweet jewish zombie christ. Every possible person, show, movie, or media of any form has a facebook. You can be “fans” of things. You can play games. You can send people things. I truly don't give a shit if you're a fan of Death Cab for Cutie. Stop sending me invites to join your zombie hoard of mafia family. And I can assure you that you have nothing in common with the character from Twilight that quiz says you match. That's because they are FICTIONAL.

There is one saving grace. My blackberry. On my blackberry, I see any new statuses, as well as any notifications not having to do with those stupid facebook apps. I can see your profile- without the apps. So, it's like facebook 1.0, the good facebook as far as I'm concerned. The only issue is anyone can still be there. I feel like there should be an upper and lower limit on the age for this site. There's really no way to police that though- so I'll leave that issue be.

I suppose I'll wrap it up. If you enjoyed this and might consider reading future posts, please post a comment either in the facebook group of to the blog directly (preferred). Pester me to write more- I need the kick in the ass. I'll post the first few to the facebook group, after which I'll stick to the blog site.